My first childhood memories were with my grandma. I was 5 years old, and I was her little helper. But I wasn’t asked to get her slippers or a blanket, I was asked to grab a plate and a funnel from the kitchen so she could fill balloons with white powder. I was told to hide drugs and guns in small places where an adults hand could not fit. I remember my grandma counting money that covered her entire bed, and looking back, I now understand what she was doing.
We moved about every three months and it was normal to have the police kicking in doors. I never went to school, the doctor, or the dentist. My parents both passed away by the time I turned 11, and soon after, I was running the streets and committing crimes.
I had two kids, and I could tell their life was becoming a reflection of mine. I tried to do something different like get a job, not use drugs, and be attentive to my two beautiful daughters, but it never lasted long. I would fall into the same old habits when I was sad, angry, stressed, or even celebrating happy occasions.
I thought God was punishing me for something I had done wrong, but today I realize he has a plan for me and that I have a choice in this life.
Today, I realize that whatever hard times I may be going through, drugs are not the answer. I am learning to build a solid foundation of recovery, and when times get tough, I reach out to people in my support circle. I have created boundaries in my life, and have learned to ask for help. I am helping my daughters deal with their separation anxiety, depression, and hard times at school that my lifestyle and addiction did to them, and giving them so much love.
I am turning a new leaf and moving forward, one step at a time and one day at a time.
– Erica, Solutions Academy Student
